Obstacles Of Friendship And Things Taken For Granted In Life

There are many blessings in life that are clearly seen and some that are in the open but go unnoticed.  Friends are an example of aspects in life that are precious yet forgotten.  Today I made it my mission to contact friends that I have spoken to but didn't always think of because I was caught up in myself or in the things that were in front of me.  I realize that a lot of people in my life have and are always there for me, but I still take them for granted and don't give them the tome they deserve. To those that I have and may yet do this to, I want to apologize.  I am human and sadly don't realize the blessings and love that surrounds me.  I do this also to my family and it was when my mother beat stage 3-C breast cancer that I realized how much I take my family for granted as well.  This weighs heavy on my heart because I never know when I may lose someone that I love.  I could not imagine my life without those that are precious to me.  I know that sadly someday, any day, I could do just that and it breaks my heart.  I know I will have to find a way to push forward and be strong and that leads me to what else I take for granted.  Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  I take His blessings and love for granted daily when He rewards me with amazing friends and family.  I love all of you with all my heart and pray that you all join me in eternity with our Lord Jesus Christ.  This all being said, however, does not mean it is easy to be a friend, to be part of a family, or to be a follower and representation of Christ.  I am most guilty of all of these.  As a follower of Jesus, I fail at every turn and obstacle.  I get angry, I don't forgive enough, I don't love enough, I cuss like a sailor, and the list can go on for days.  I take His grace and love for granted and no matter how much I wish I can stop, I will always find myself falling short.  I am so thankful for His grace because without it I would be nothing.  I take Him for granted and He is the one who breathed life into my body and soul.  As a member of my family, I am extremely close to both of my parents, my two oldest sisters, and my older brother.  I have two awesome little nieces that inspire me to be a better man so that they may look up to me and see the great man I know I can become.  I do not, at this point in time, get along with a lot of my family on my father's side and very few problems with some family on my mother's side.  I look at this with great anger and hate, but I want to forgive and let it go and that is one of the hardest things for me to do.  I am the kind of man that when someone wrongs me, I cut them off and out of my life.  To do this to family is just wrong.  I take having a family in itself for granted when there are children who don't have families and people whose families don't even accept them.  I even take my truest friends for granted as if I am entitled to have them.  Those who stuck with me in the most challenging times and in the darkest times in my life.  I just seem to forget about them and not go out of my way for them or any of my friends.  This is something I am continually working on to change daily.  Right now I know of a few people fighting, some of which I am very close with, and I am watching a rift form between other friends and it is dismaying.  I don't and may never understand why and how people act or treat each other in the ways they do.  I know I have no power to change this and I also know that I must not only pray for them all, but pray for those in the center of this situation.  This, personally speaking, truly bothers me and becomes an obstacle in my friendship with many of those involved.  I know that I should step away, but I am the "Hero" personality and want to help everyone which is not going to happen in this case.  I leave you all with these words however...Choose your paths in life wisely, choose your friends, and most of all be yourselves.  Do not let the ways of the world change you and please do not let what others think sway you from a true, just, and righteous path.  Greed can bring you much misery and grief so don't let it be the God in your life, rather behold the things that you take for granted on a daily basis and enjoy them.  Be grateful to have a merciful, loving, graceful God always and revel in that knowledge.  Cherish your God, Jesus Christ, most of all, cherish your family always, and cherish your friends because ladies and gentleman no relationship will last forever.  The only one that will is one with God, but all others can end with no notice and at any second.  Christ loves all of you and I love you all as well.  Keep these words in mind.  Until next time...stay safe and God bless!

The Tide Of Two Wars

In times of great despair within a person, state, country, and world things that are unexpected occur.  These things are seen as impossible and one begins to question "how? Why me?" What we forget is that we are in a corrupt and fallen world and many negative things will attribute to the despair of many.  I find myself on two war fronts at this point in time of my life.  I find myself fighting the war between family members of opposite sides and beliefs as well as fighting an internal war waging between my faith and my flesh or emotion.  These battles are constant and they are extremely draining me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Betrayal, Pain, Loss, And Moving Toward The Future

So today I took a look back into a deep and sad past when it comes to friendships.  I remember many great times that are filled with nothing but joy and happiness, but these times are quickly overshadowed by grief and pain when the memories of betrayal, and words not spoken, begin to flood into my mind...and my heart.  The thought of how it felt to be betrayed by friends I felt most loyal to and thought were most loyal to me.  I remember it as if it was yesterday...all the promises made in vain spoken into an empty existence that is intangible.  I went through dark times and during these times where I was in need of support and crying for love and help...it was there but only for a glimmer as the people began to fade further away each day.  During this time I lost my fiance as she found another man's presence to be a much better fit to her than my own...this was a wrenching pain that I will not soon forget if ever.  I remember my friend calling me and informing me because I was unable to be there for her during the time....it hurt...bad.  I remember how when I was finally home her and I would not speak and the friends were there strong, loyal, and full of fun and joy.  But alas, this too began to fade very soon after.  Moving forward a bit in time, these same friends I have not spoken to in about six months...yes communication is thrown here and there, but no true deep intimate conversation as was once conducted as a daily ritual in my life with them.  Am I angry?  No...I cannot be angry at them when I was the reason they got distant.  Does it hurt?  Yes...I feel an emptiness that I have not felt in quite some time.  This feeling of searching and in a sense mourning for the friendship and bond I had, but with someone else.  This is never a successful route because I know in my mind and heart I cannot replace them.  I only wish and hope that some day these people who made an impact on my life, or at one time impacted my life, to know how much they meant and still mean to me even though we have chosen different paths in life.  It saddens my heart to even say those words...that we have gone our separate ways, but there is nothing I can do to change what has happened.  I will never forget the great times we had together nor the fun that we all shared.  I will cherish these things in my heart until the day comes that I perish from this land.  I could not deal with just watching these people disappear so I chose to not become attached again, but to rather hold my head up high and continue forward on my path never looking back.  I intend to continue this mindset and focus on my faith, family, schooling, and career so that the next time I come to that place, I will have a plan and know how to cope and have the resources to help me continue forward without the distractions...and most of all without the pain....

The Beginning Of Insanity

Well...it all started when I was born obviously. As time went on life has been nothing but perfect until that fateful day. The day that I recognized I was no longer a little kid and that I was not in a safe protective bubble with my family. I realized that life is a tough journey and knew that I had many tough roads and decisions ahead of me that I needed to face with bravery and valor. Some of these decisions were not fun to face especially with the hardships that I had to face during those points in my life. That being said I have also made decisions that have enlightened me on how life is to be lived and have taught me life lessons that I will never forget. I have met many great people in my life, some of which have come and gone, but others that have stayed in my life and brightened it daily. After alot of the hardships that I have faced, I once again found my faith and my strength through Jesus Christ. I am not by any means perfect or a saint, but as a Christian man all I can do after every fall I take is to get back up, wipe myself off, and keep moving forward without looking back. After all, if I keep looking to the past how will I ever make it to the future? I have learned many vast things in my short life and know there are many more to learn. I invite all of you to join me on my journey through life as I accept the many valuable and positive lessons that come my way and endure the many hardships that are to follow. In the duration of this blog I will reveal many things about myself, my life, my writings, and my thoughts. Some of the things talked about on this blog may be opinionated and controversial, but they are my beliefs and opinions that I would like to express at times. I hope you all enjoy and thank you for taking the time to stop by and read. =)